Traffic thoughts and day dream

So do you stay or do you go?

Do you have a relationship with someone because you like their family? Or you feel sorry for them? Or they just don’t give up? Would you want to be with someone knowing you would never get to sleep?

I think on some level if it doesn’t work it just doesn’t work. No matter if you are going to get something out of the relationship, something is now what we crave as humans. Or what we really need.

It is not my desire to be with someone who is good but can’t make me happy on other levels. Or they seem to have so many issues that they over ride the quality of life you could have.

Yes, I write in code and thoughts….. Part of it is where do you start? What part of the story do you start with? Do you start with the moment in you find yourself in and just building from that point? Do you start at the beginning? But then were does the beginning really start? What about the end? Well that is great if you know what or when the end is.

So let’s just start where we are now. I wonder how do I get myself into situations like this? Ok, I do know…… I get that desperate feeling. That fear of being alone. And as I sit in the car home sick and wondering how long this drive will take, I kick myself.

I am happy at home and I am happy alone. So why do I try to even have a relationship?

Fire place thoughts

So as I sit here by the fireside and think on my week ahead. I find my heart pressed with fear. Fear of facing issues head on with the skills I know I possess.

How does one draw on those skills in time of fear?

Green grass

As the sales school ended And I left my friends and colleges behind, I wondered. How is it people can take what they have for granted? Why do people hurt and undermine others in the hope to get ahead?

The old saying the grass is always greener on the other side. Should be stated the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

You get a few people drunk and you hear it all. So as I think upon this issue a thought comes to me. Why do so many Americans feel so depressed and inadequate? Other people look at you and they are jealous of you. You look at someone else and you are jealous. Not once did you stop to think of what they went though to get to that point. Do you think you could have dealt with all of that adversity? Pain? Fear?

Why don’t we be proud of who we are, where we have come and where we r going ? Use those around you to learn from and help others who need your help.

You will always get more then you give!

Can it be true?

So I talked with Larry. I wonder as I talk with him. Can u love someone that fast? Is it more a control thing? Fear grips my heart as I wonder how to feel. My mind just rolls over and over the strange words that ping about in my mind.

I wonder if I said to much? Did I say to much?

Oh the fears and the thoughts. How much control they have over me and I wonder……. Will it matter? Will it really???

As many women have wondered, what really matters in a long term relationship? Yes at this point in the game we have all had one or two. But u wonder….. Can this be the one? Can this be the love of my life ? Can this man feel the holes that make gaps in my heart?

So many questions. And just more questions to follow ….

Oh well. We shall figure this put day by day. Breath by breath, step by step. Enjoying the ride for what it is and nothing more then that.

Reading and dreaming

Fears. What is controlling you?

So at this point in the game I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Then I look at the doors. The doors that could be opening, those that are open, and the ones that are closing.

It just seems to me that I can do this. Why not? Why shouldn’t I be able to reach my goals n dreams?

So, I need a little help. Most people do. And I think I just need to see those adversary’s as what they are.

I am wanting to be successful and accepted for who I am. I want a team that will go with me ;0)

Not much to ask for.

Sake dreams and wishes

My drive home is always a long one. I live about an hour and 20 from home. Sometime the drive gives me time to reflect. People tease me because I choose to drive. It is in that drive to and from work that I get to think, create, listen to music and catch up with my friends on the phone.

So to those of you who wonder why I choose to drive….
Don’t worry, it is my choice and I am ok with that.

Writing, bloging and story telling

My friends tell me that I need to blog. They say that the stories that I tell are so crazy. The stories are just what happened to me during the day.

Yet as I try to figure out what to write I find myself at a loss. I wonder if my talent isn’t in the art of the talking. Because when I go to write my mind gets all trapped up and worried in my spelling and grammar. So, then I wonder if I should take a class. Then my mind says, just write. Just write let it flow and see what happens.

Sometimes we need to jump in with both feet and just go despite our fears.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Good morning

So as I am stuck in traffic yet again my mind wanders.

Dating. Is it worth it? Why is it so hard to meet someone? Why do the wrong guys fall so in love with me? Why do married men hit on a woman so much? As many as have hit on me…… It really makes me wonder if any man can love one woman? Then my mind goes to the show sister wives. Is that why men want more then one woman? One question leads to another question.

I realize I am super busy with my business and with my kids. But there has to be a better way to meet guys. On line is just awful. They all seem to fall into a few categories. Yes, I admit that some people have found the love of their lives on a website. For me…. I wonder if that works. I don’t have hours and hours to weed through pages and pages of profiles and then hours of IM-ing an phone calls. Along with texting and emails.

So, I am stuck with social events, bars and church. As of yet, I have not found a church that I like or I can get to with my kids. However as much as my x pushed the bible and religion on us. It might be time to go back and find that balance. So then do I pick a big church and drive to it. Or do I pick something small near my home in Culleoka, tn? I guess this like most choices I just go in head first!

Social evens….. I am not much on the bar scene. Don’t like the smoking or the late nights.

Sometimes I wonder if I pick the wrong type of guys because I am afraid of having someone wonderful in my life. Kind of like how some people are afraid of success in work……

Yet when I think about all that I have over come. How can I be afraid of being happy in any regard. Time I believe is the biggest predator of my life. Here I am in traffic yet again, time slipping by.

What is a girl to do?

Why Why Why

So through the stress that is my life I have gone through so much and I have gone through nothing in comparison to so many.

It makes me wondering why do we stress out over things to the point of losing my hair…

Ok, so I realize that I am blessed but had a not so great husband.. Many women have… I have my kids and my job… love my kids love my job…

I can work, I can sell, I can do art work.. I can.. I can… yet I feel like all I can do is stress…. How do I get this feeling of hopelessness and fear under control?

What do I do to find my inner strength?